Saturday, November 20, 2010

Epidemic of Bullying in the Schools

Bullying by kids in the schools has become an increasing epidemic. In Chinese astrology, every twelve years we have the Year of the Monkey, and people born during that year have a predilection for controlling their world....sometimes forcefully.  The majority of Monkeys are lithe little monkeys, full of fun and spirit.  Then there are some chimps, and orangutans and baboon types who like to have things their way.....and then there are the gorillas who throw their weight around to get their way, regardless of the circumstances. ....”my way or the highway” is their motto. 
2004 was the most recent Monkey year; the previous one was 1992, and these kids are hitting 18 about now. They have cut a wide swath thru high school in the last four years.  It would be interesting to go back in history and see if this bullying type problem is more acute when Monkey people hit their the middle 80’s when the Monkeys born in 1968 went thru high school. 
The Chinese animals are archetypes for the organs of the body and the acupuncture channels called meridians, where acupuncturists place their needles. The Monkey is the archetypal animal for the Urinary Bladder in this system....bladder control, anyone?????
The Monkey person who bullies, creates a world of his own....and no one can pierce it.  He puts a smile on his face that says  "Everything is FINE" with a glare that says "don't go there".  They can deny themselves something on the conscious level so they won't be denied on the subconscious level.   At some point, it’s a good bet they were abused,  or victimized in some way, and they vowed it would NEVER happen again; they would never reveal their true feelings again.... they would never be put in a compromising situation again....they would never be 'weak' to their minds, again...and in some cases, they would hurt as they were hurt. 
So, they literally throw their weight around.....and most of them have a girth.  They have a philosophy, mostly conservative, and will see nothing else. Nothing else exists. Nothing else is right. In order to make sure they are right, they will brook no nonsense about an alternative view. No one is right except them, and they will do almost anything to prove that.  If they have been hurt to the core as a child, they want others to feel it too.   So, they cut this wide swath thru school, and now with cell phones and texts, and tweets, and FB, they can do it nearly anonymously if they want to,,,,but most times they don't care; they want to exact their revenge and want you to know who did it. In a school, it just takes a few of these king kong types to galvanize others into a pack. 
So, what can teens do about bullying?  In EFT we’re encouraged to “try it on everything” so why not this?  
When we tap for a relationship between two or more people and ourselves, we are setting energy in motion.  When we change, the world around us changes.  When we initiate tapping, even to say “I’m being bullied and I don’t know what to do, but I deeply and completely love and accept myself”; the answers start to flow. 
Teens can tap for their bullying problem, or parents and teachers can surrogate tap for them.  It’s best for teens to tap on their issue, for when they see shifts and changes they start to feel more powerful in their world and know they can effect change. 
What about the bully? What about these Monkey types who have to control?  Kids born in 2004 (or between 3-5 pm in any year) are a clean slate and can be encouraged to use the positive aspect of their energy. ,, they need to be encouraged to have trust and faith.  They need to be encouraged to watch and observe, and see how events play out when they don’t jump in to control it and have their way. These Monkey children need assistance to move into their positive energy, and be a force for good. 
Parents can surrogate tap for their child: 
 “Tapping for ________________” x3
“Even tho I, ___________, have the need to control, I deeply and completely love and accept myself; I’m a great kid”
“Even tho I want other kids to do what I want them to do when we play, I’m a great kid anyway”
“Even tho I can’t help it but jump in and take over, I’m a great kid anyway”. 
“Even tho it’s hard for me to let others have their way, I’m a great kid, and I’m going to try...”
This is called “global” tapping, for generic issues, but it’s even better if we tap on specific events.  So after an incident, you can tap for your child and use the incident that occurred, i.e., 
“Even tho I hurt Billy today when I wouldn’t let him play with my toys, and pushed him, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I’m really a great kid in my heart”....and tap that at every point. 
Those are just some ideas for correcting bullying.  For more indepth interpretation and scripts, contact me,, and I will have some more ideas on my website, soon.  Good luck!

copyright 2010, Pamela Leigh Powers, all rights reserved. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Reply to "Opinions, opinions, opinions

People give advice for a number of reasons...1) they can be sincere from their point of view. 2) they can feel a need to be superior and their way is best so they feel better about themselves, and 3) they want power over you so you'll doubt yourself. 
First you need to tune in to the truth of who you are....Are you a sane, concerned, practical, genuine, individual who has the best for your children at heart? From our years together, I would certainly say yes, you are.  
I know someone who is a hedonistic, neurotic narcissist, so when friends and family encourage him to let his children go away to college, they are really trying to free these kids from their daily hell.  But, when you know you’re coming from a pure heart, then you just need to get clarity. 
Assuming these people are trying to be helpful, there are extroverts in this world who think that everyone should be out mingling with other people. Then there are introverts who would rather be anywhere but out there. Extroverts are going to say “put your child in public school” and introverts are going to say “you’re so right to keep them home”.  Neither is wrong. It’s what’s right for each individual. In this instance, it’s what’s right for your child.  Is she an introvert or extrovert? Would she benefit more from school or not?  I know I was an introvert, and one day they got me up, took me to the first day of kindergarten, vanished, and I don’t think I ever recovered. 
There are advantages to going to a public school, and there are disadvantages.  Some say the school system is ‘dumbing down’ our kids. They certainly don’t seem to be getting the education they used to.  So, you have the satisfaction of knowing you’re giving her a solid foundation. 
But, when it comes down to this fine line.....should you listen to well intentioned friends or not, it isn’t a matter of right or wrong, it’s a matter of what’s best for your child.  At such times, it’s good to just tap:
KC: Even tho I want to home school my child, and I’m told to I should send her to school, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. x3
BE: Even tho I feel home schooling is the best way for my daughter to get an education, but I’m told I should send her to school, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. 
SE: Even tho I’m in a quandry as to what the best thing is to do.....teach her at home....send her to school.  I want to do what’s best for her....I want her to get a good comfortable around other kids.....socialize and be at ease in all surroundings.... I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. 
UE: I send it out to the Universe for the right answer.  I wait, and listen; observe and watch. As I tap and accept, tap and accept, tap and accept, the answer comes on angel wings, and when I hear it, I’ll know with supreme confidence that it is the right one...the right answer, and then I’ll be certain, and I’ll go forward, implementing that answer with absolute conviction that it is right for her. 
tap at each point:  I accept it, I accept it, I accept it -
5 fingers: Everything is possible, miracles are happening now.
clap wrists: The Dali Lama says it is our life’s purpose to be happy....and by extension, happy, well and free.  I let go and allow the universe to present me with the perfect answer. 
That’s just a shorthand version of what a full script would encompass.  A  script such as this can be adjusted to any criticism you  “Even tho I’m told I should be an immaculate house keeper at the expense of the mental and emotional health of my children, I deeply and completely.....etc.” can tell I was never god’s gift to housework! But there is a happy meeting ground! 
EFT is a wonderful modality.  Yes, we tap away pain, but when we tap, we set energy in motion, and answers we’d not ordinarily receive, are revealed. In this instance, it may be the very best thing for your daughter to be taught at home, based on her personality.  But we also have to look at ourselves, and see what else might lie beneath our desire.  By tapping every day ....say a month....or until you receive your answer (which is usually quicker), all of a sudden, you’ll see something on tv, or read something in a book, or someone else says just the perfect thing that clarifies the situation, and then you know which way to go.  EFT helps us to detach, not have a charge on the outcome, pro or con, and be open to receive the perfect answer.  

Opinions, opinions, opinions

We are told as we grow up that we should be steadfast in our beliefs, not worry about what others think about what we are doing, follow our hearts and believe in ourselves. But that is so much more easily said than done. Then one day you become a parent, and suddenly you find yourself being inundated with 'helpful advice', some asked for, most not. You really want to be the best parent, you put your heart and soul into the happiness of your child, yet despite your best efforts feel like you're doing everything wrong.  Then somehow, that 'helpful advice' coming from people who care really just irritates and frustrates you more.

Or is that just me?

When I was pregnant with my first child, everyone told me that parenting was going to be the most challenging and most rewarding job I will ever have. So I eagerly anticipated sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and endless loads of laundry, while I looked forward to my daughter's first smile, first word, first everything.  The funny thing is, the word 'parenting' encompasses so many aspects that it can almost seem deceivingly simple to new parents. I have come to discover that the word 'parenting', that 'job', is actually very complicated, and as my children get older, it only gets more so. 

In my case, I'm a very happy work-at-home mom. My son is three and my daughter is five and now in Kindergarten.  I decided to try and add another challenge to my long list of parenting challenges and home school her, and we are really enjoying it. My daughter is learning, thriving, and growing in a way that makes me so proud.  But my happiness is tainted slightly by those people in my life who don't think home schooling is 'the best thing for her'.  


She is happy.  I am happy.  Can we just be happy?  Nobody prepared me for the opinions.  Maybe nobody really could have.  Maybe it's just one of those things you have to learn while you do it.  Or maybe I'm just insanely naive. 

Dealing with opinions from other parents (and non parents) is a challenge I was totally unprepared to deal with, and I'm thinking EFT might be something that can help.  How do you get to that point emotionally where you can you deal with all the opinions that come from people you love and respect?  I never got to that point where I didn't care before I became a parent!  I just would love to be able to 'take or leave' helpful advice, let it go in one ear and out the other.  Not internalize it. Not pretend I'm fine with something while lying in bed all night stewing over it.

Maybe if we could have an EFT script prepared for us when we first became pregnant, that would be the best gift, the best 'advice' we could get.  Instead of telling us parenting is going to be a challenge, tell us "it's going to be a challenge and here is a tool to help you deal with all the opinions and advice you're going to get."  Wow!  Then whenever someone tells you that you're doing something wrong, or you should be doing something differently (and you didn't actually ask for that advice) you could 'tap' it away instead of internalizing it.

I know that people are always going to have their opinions, and honestly I love them for it.  I really do appreciate that my family and friends care enough to tell me what they think about how I'm doing my job.  It'd be a fantasy expectation to think I could somehow stop people from giving me their two cents, right?  But I can control how I respond to it. So Pam, I'm now passing my latest challenge on to you. Can EFT help put me in control of my response to all of these opinions? 

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I was alone til my children were born.....

I love Ana's comment, "I was alone til my children were born".....I felt that way too.  Children have the potential to give us the love that we might not have received in our own youth....and mine certainly did!

Yet, there were family patterns that came down thru the generations that affected my children. I was a single mother raising three children and I wish I had had the skills to fix those issues at the time. Now I have the EFT tool in my metaphysical tool belt, and I've found it to be the most consistent one, that works when nothing else will.  

My adult son is open to it, and I have seen many special shifts and changes in the last few years.  My daughter is not into holistic work, so I find that because I have changed doing EFT, my reaction to her is different, which helps the relationship. One could also do surrogate work in such an instance. I didn't get into EFT until after my second son died at age 30 of melanoma, and I wonder what difference it would have made.

I liken life to a Rubik's cube.  Generations ago, a family member took the Rubik's cube of Life  and cranked it a couple of times.....but got it back into alignment. Then it went down to the next generation, who perhaps did the same thing. Then somewhere along the way, someone cranked it one time too many, and  got it out of whack...and from generation to generation we've been trying to get that Family Rubik's cube back into its original form. 

That's what we do in EFT.....we bring our life back to normal. We take the extremes and find ways to normalize them without angst.

There is kinetic energy, which is the world we live in...then there is potential energy that's just waiting for us to ask.  It seems that's what EFT does....we tap the 'meridians'  (see ) and send the vibrations coursing thru our body, making our positive statements, and the Universe listens and responds.  

Sometimes with little kids we're tearing out our hair and don't know what to do.  At those times, simply tap on the collarbone point (where a man's tie is knotted) and think "Even tho I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what the answer is here, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my kids.  I know I'm a good mom and I know I have good kids beneath all this chaos, and love will prevail and give me the answers"......if you know EFT you can tap the whole sequence, but if not, just start there. Repeat the statement a few times as you tap. It'll calm you down to start, and then shifts will happen, ideas will pop into your head....maybe someone on the tv will say just the right thing....or a friend calls and gives you some help.  EFT works in mysterious ways and it doesn't always have to be an instant change. ....Pamela Leigh Powers. CCHT, EFT-adv, Regenesis IT, TFH

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Family Knots

I want to be the mother that practically trips over her adult children with every turn.  I want to be the mother that can say something and have her adult children hear it without making a long distance phone call.  I want to be the grandmother who has to clean up crayon drawings from her furniture and witness her grandchildren repeatedly remove their diapers only to pee on her carpet.

I want to be the mother that I know exists but isn't exemplified in my familial world.

When I was growing up, I envied my friends who had cousins they saw daily or weekly.  I envied those friends that would talk about 'aunt' and 'uncle' in the same breath as 'mom' and 'dad'.  I heard about huge weekend gatherings, family celebrations, and wondered what that felt like.

I love my family.  Each of my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. - they are a part of me and each has an important place in my life - my history and my future.  But no two of us live in the same city, with the exception of my sister and father.  While I was fortunate enough to live with my mother recently, we are now once again in different towns, albeit neighboring ones. 

My relatives on my mother's side are all in different states - most of them in the same state, but again, spread out in different cities.  My mother left home and moved to a different state.  My mother's parents and their families were all spread out in the United States and the older generations - far away in their home country.

My relatives on my father's side are in different countries.  My father and his brother left home as soon as they could, moved to different countries and raised their children far away from their own parents and from each other.  My father's mother left her country and siblings as well. 

My family tree literally spans the globe.

Some of us try to stay in touch, have family reunions whenever we can, but we are not 'close' in proximity, and because of this, we are not close in life.  In essence, we are like individual pieces of rope dangling from the branches of our family tree - some of us connecting and forming knots that keep us close together in life, but many of us remaining just out of reach.  Even if two ends of a rope can touch, there isn't enough slack to tie them together.  We connect through blood but fail to be close enough to connect in everyday life.

Is it just the distance that separates us, or is it something greater that pushes us apart?

While each of my relatives has their own varying degree of connection to each other, from my perspective I am knotted only to my children - and to them I'm so tightly bound I'm certain they feel suffocated.  At ages five and three, however, I say - too bad!  I believe it's important they have that sense of security and 'attachment' as they grow.

But how do I keep them from untying my knots when they reach adulthood?  Sure, one day they'll go to college, travel the world - but I want it take place while still tied securely to me and to each other. Stretching out as far as they need, providing freedom to breathe and grow independently, but assuring that it pulls us right back together when they are ready to settle down.  How do I begin the process of tying knots today that will hold steadfastly when my children become adults and start their own families?

Until my children were born I felt alone in the world.  Not because I didn't have the support of my siblings and parents, but because physically, proximally, I just did not feel connected to my relatives.  I could call them, email them, etc., but we weren't together.  None of us tried to stay together - I'm just as responsible for this choice as they are. We moved away, in different directions. Perhaps it's because we're all different people.  Individuals in thought and ambition, and therefore sharing a parallel life is impossible.  We love each other, but from afar.  We go through our lives alone, forming connections and bonds with those people we find in life, not those on our family tree.

With EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, we gain freedom from emotional blocks that cause physical manifestations of something - from a headache, to a bad relationship, to maybe even a family pattern.  Sometimes we learn that we carry down emotional blocks (issues) from our parents and grandparents.  It's why we have the saying 'She married her father' - good or bad.  How do we clear an issue that may come down through generations and not even be something we're aware of?  How do we break free so that we can walk a different path, form a new pattern? 

I'm thinking all I need to know is what I don't want to repeat. Perhaps being aware of the pattern is the biggest challenge. But then what?

As I look at my beautiful, sleeping children tonight, I wish with all my heart that the pattern that seems to be inherent on every branch of my family tree can stop with me.  As I examine my family pattern, examine how I'm unconciously a part of this pattern, how can I change it for my children?  How can I break the pattern for the next branches of our tree and create a genuine desire for each of us to want to remain tightly clustered together as we grow through life?   

I want to be the mother that I know exists but isn't exemplified in my familial world. I want to be the mother that starts a new pattern.  I want to be the mother that makes family knots and watches proudly as they multiply and tighten, generation after generation after generation.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

So what is EFT?

I like to think of EFT as acupuncture without the needles, combined with positive affirmations.  When I first learned about EFT, I already had a good idea of how the human body worked thanks to my Master's education in Forensic Anthropology.  I also had used an acupuncturist on several occasions to help me stop smoking, lose weight, get pain relief, etc..  Yet, just about anyone knows the general placement of the brain, digestive system, bones, etc.  Unless we are specialists, we likely don't know the names or placement precisely, but most of us can still conjure up a rough sketch.  We can picture our circulatory system of arteries, veins and vessels branching out through our bodies.  Just as blood flows through our veins, energy flows through its own intricate system of channels. EFT operates on the same system of energy lines that acupuncture does. Acupuncturists spend years studying and memorizing this intricate system - if you want pain relief, they stick you in one place; want to stop smoking, they have a different set of points for that.

So EFT founder Gary Craig, now retired, came along and found a shortcut.  If you tap along the meridian at the end point, that pulse from the tapping will travel throughout the length of the meridian and clear out blocks whether you know they are there or not, just in the same manner as a needle being placed in a blocked spot would. 

But how do you know which meridian to tap on for, say, pain in your leg?

Well, there aren't that many meridians that you need to tap.  Gary Craig developed a technique for tapping where you can work through each of the main meridians within just a few minutes!  By going through all of them, you don't need to know where the block is specifically.

The trick comes with knowing what to say while you're tapping.  Self-examination is a challenge for most of us, especially the honest kind, so I think while we can effectively tap through some problems very successfully (I have a headache), knowing that buried reason what keeps causing that problem (I get daily tension headaches, my children are screaming and they don't listen, so I'm shouting because I'm frustrated with always being ignored, which stems way back to when I was a kid feeling frustrated with my mother for ignoring or shouting at me) sometimes takes an outside observer to help uncover.  But once you discover the root, you can easily tap it out yourself.

The theory is that a large percentage of our physical ailments stem from emotional 'blocks'.  When you suddenly can't find your child and you get that wave of panic, that sinking feeling in your stomach - those are physical responses to an emotional state.  When we are terrified and get that release of adrenline to help us run away - that is a physical response to an emotional state.  The problem is, if we get lots of physical responses to all of our various emotions - stress, heartbreak, fear, anger - we get, in a sense, blocked up.  We start to feel sick, we get headaches, random pains in our bodies.  If we continue being blocked up, the theory is that we develop conditions like depression, chronic fatique, tumors, etc.  EFT helps us clear out those blocks to prevent and/or heal.  Since we are such emotional beings, using EFT on a regular basis to deal with all the 'downs' in our lives, will help us to have more 'ups'.

Now this is all a theory, and my explanation of EFT may or may not be how others explain it, but what I do know is that if you are interested, research it.  Try it!  Lots of practitioners offer free generic scripts for you to try out.  Pam Powers, my friend and EFT 'guru', shows you how to tap on her website, and will be posting EFT scripts here after I blog about a problem or challenge I'm dealing with.  If you're dealing with the same issue, tap with me!

In the last six years I've married, had two children, divorced, moved fived times to three different states, had lots of money, been completely broke, been employed and unemployed.  EFT has been there to help me with ALL of it.  I've decided it's time to do my part and spread the word about this amazing new healing technique that everyone should be using, because everyone can be helped by it, whether you pay for it or not.  This blog will serve as a 'fly on the wall' opportunity for you to hear details of my conversations with Pam - what problems I'm experiencing, and what to tap through.  And I'll do my best to always post follow-ups.  If you try it, please share with us your experiences as well!!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Why this blog?

As a single mom of two young children I feel the spectrum of emotions on any given day - from joy and pride and complete happiness, to frustration, anger and sheer misery. Each day seems to present a new challenge, whether I've conquered the previous ones or not. It is with EFT that my kids and I survive these challenging days. This 'new' form of therapy has proved invaluable, so I'm opening up my therapy sessions with Pamela Powers - an expert in EFT as well as a published author - in order to spread the word and hopefully help (and entertain) parents everywhere. Pam's insights will provide a perspective that I am certain you will not likely run across elsewhere, and the results will make you wonder how you've managed without her!