Monday, October 18, 2010

Reply to "Opinions, opinions, opinions

People give advice for a number of reasons...1) they can be sincere from their point of view. 2) they can feel a need to be superior and their way is best so they feel better about themselves, and 3) they want power over you so you'll doubt yourself. 
First you need to tune in to the truth of who you are....Are you a sane, concerned, practical, genuine, individual who has the best for your children at heart? From our years together, I would certainly say yes, you are.  
I know someone who is a hedonistic, neurotic narcissist, so when friends and family encourage him to let his children go away to college, they are really trying to free these kids from their daily hell.  But, when you know you’re coming from a pure heart, then you just need to get clarity. 
Assuming these people are trying to be helpful, there are extroverts in this world who think that everyone should be out mingling with other people. Then there are introverts who would rather be anywhere but out there. Extroverts are going to say “put your child in public school” and introverts are going to say “you’re so right to keep them home”.  Neither is wrong. It’s what’s right for each individual. In this instance, it’s what’s right for your child.  Is she an introvert or extrovert? Would she benefit more from school or not?  I know I was an introvert, and one day they got me up, took me to the first day of kindergarten, vanished, and I don’t think I ever recovered. 
There are advantages to going to a public school, and there are disadvantages.  Some say the school system is ‘dumbing down’ our kids. They certainly don’t seem to be getting the education they used to.  So, you have the satisfaction of knowing you’re giving her a solid foundation. 
But, when it comes down to this fine line.....should you listen to well intentioned friends or not, it isn’t a matter of right or wrong, it’s a matter of what’s best for your child.  At such times, it’s good to just tap:
KC: Even tho I want to home school my child, and I’m told to I should send her to school, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. x3
BE: Even tho I feel home schooling is the best way for my daughter to get an education, but I’m told I should send her to school, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. 
SE: Even tho I’m in a quandry as to what the best thing is to do.....teach her at home....send her to school.  I want to do what’s best for her....I want her to get a good comfortable around other kids.....socialize and be at ease in all surroundings.... I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my and accept the good intentions of my friends. 
UE: I send it out to the Universe for the right answer.  I wait, and listen; observe and watch. As I tap and accept, tap and accept, tap and accept, the answer comes on angel wings, and when I hear it, I’ll know with supreme confidence that it is the right one...the right answer, and then I’ll be certain, and I’ll go forward, implementing that answer with absolute conviction that it is right for her. 
tap at each point:  I accept it, I accept it, I accept it -
5 fingers: Everything is possible, miracles are happening now.
clap wrists: The Dali Lama says it is our life’s purpose to be happy....and by extension, happy, well and free.  I let go and allow the universe to present me with the perfect answer. 
That’s just a shorthand version of what a full script would encompass.  A  script such as this can be adjusted to any criticism you  “Even tho I’m told I should be an immaculate house keeper at the expense of the mental and emotional health of my children, I deeply and completely.....etc.” can tell I was never god’s gift to housework! But there is a happy meeting ground! 
EFT is a wonderful modality.  Yes, we tap away pain, but when we tap, we set energy in motion, and answers we’d not ordinarily receive, are revealed. In this instance, it may be the very best thing for your daughter to be taught at home, based on her personality.  But we also have to look at ourselves, and see what else might lie beneath our desire.  By tapping every day ....say a month....or until you receive your answer (which is usually quicker), all of a sudden, you’ll see something on tv, or read something in a book, or someone else says just the perfect thing that clarifies the situation, and then you know which way to go.  EFT helps us to detach, not have a charge on the outcome, pro or con, and be open to receive the perfect answer.  

Opinions, opinions, opinions

We are told as we grow up that we should be steadfast in our beliefs, not worry about what others think about what we are doing, follow our hearts and believe in ourselves. But that is so much more easily said than done. Then one day you become a parent, and suddenly you find yourself being inundated with 'helpful advice', some asked for, most not. You really want to be the best parent, you put your heart and soul into the happiness of your child, yet despite your best efforts feel like you're doing everything wrong.  Then somehow, that 'helpful advice' coming from people who care really just irritates and frustrates you more.

Or is that just me?

When I was pregnant with my first child, everyone told me that parenting was going to be the most challenging and most rewarding job I will ever have. So I eagerly anticipated sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and endless loads of laundry, while I looked forward to my daughter's first smile, first word, first everything.  The funny thing is, the word 'parenting' encompasses so many aspects that it can almost seem deceivingly simple to new parents. I have come to discover that the word 'parenting', that 'job', is actually very complicated, and as my children get older, it only gets more so. 

In my case, I'm a very happy work-at-home mom. My son is three and my daughter is five and now in Kindergarten.  I decided to try and add another challenge to my long list of parenting challenges and home school her, and we are really enjoying it. My daughter is learning, thriving, and growing in a way that makes me so proud.  But my happiness is tainted slightly by those people in my life who don't think home schooling is 'the best thing for her'.  


She is happy.  I am happy.  Can we just be happy?  Nobody prepared me for the opinions.  Maybe nobody really could have.  Maybe it's just one of those things you have to learn while you do it.  Or maybe I'm just insanely naive. 

Dealing with opinions from other parents (and non parents) is a challenge I was totally unprepared to deal with, and I'm thinking EFT might be something that can help.  How do you get to that point emotionally where you can you deal with all the opinions that come from people you love and respect?  I never got to that point where I didn't care before I became a parent!  I just would love to be able to 'take or leave' helpful advice, let it go in one ear and out the other.  Not internalize it. Not pretend I'm fine with something while lying in bed all night stewing over it.

Maybe if we could have an EFT script prepared for us when we first became pregnant, that would be the best gift, the best 'advice' we could get.  Instead of telling us parenting is going to be a challenge, tell us "it's going to be a challenge and here is a tool to help you deal with all the opinions and advice you're going to get."  Wow!  Then whenever someone tells you that you're doing something wrong, or you should be doing something differently (and you didn't actually ask for that advice) you could 'tap' it away instead of internalizing it.

I know that people are always going to have their opinions, and honestly I love them for it.  I really do appreciate that my family and friends care enough to tell me what they think about how I'm doing my job.  It'd be a fantasy expectation to think I could somehow stop people from giving me their two cents, right?  But I can control how I respond to it. So Pam, I'm now passing my latest challenge on to you. Can EFT help put me in control of my response to all of these opinions? 

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I was alone til my children were born.....

I love Ana's comment, "I was alone til my children were born".....I felt that way too.  Children have the potential to give us the love that we might not have received in our own youth....and mine certainly did!

Yet, there were family patterns that came down thru the generations that affected my children. I was a single mother raising three children and I wish I had had the skills to fix those issues at the time. Now I have the EFT tool in my metaphysical tool belt, and I've found it to be the most consistent one, that works when nothing else will.  

My adult son is open to it, and I have seen many special shifts and changes in the last few years.  My daughter is not into holistic work, so I find that because I have changed doing EFT, my reaction to her is different, which helps the relationship. One could also do surrogate work in such an instance. I didn't get into EFT until after my second son died at age 30 of melanoma, and I wonder what difference it would have made.

I liken life to a Rubik's cube.  Generations ago, a family member took the Rubik's cube of Life  and cranked it a couple of times.....but got it back into alignment. Then it went down to the next generation, who perhaps did the same thing. Then somewhere along the way, someone cranked it one time too many, and  got it out of whack...and from generation to generation we've been trying to get that Family Rubik's cube back into its original form. 

That's what we do in EFT.....we bring our life back to normal. We take the extremes and find ways to normalize them without angst.

There is kinetic energy, which is the world we live in...then there is potential energy that's just waiting for us to ask.  It seems that's what EFT does....we tap the 'meridians'  (see ) and send the vibrations coursing thru our body, making our positive statements, and the Universe listens and responds.  

Sometimes with little kids we're tearing out our hair and don't know what to do.  At those times, simply tap on the collarbone point (where a man's tie is knotted) and think "Even tho I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what the answer is here, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, love and accept my kids.  I know I'm a good mom and I know I have good kids beneath all this chaos, and love will prevail and give me the answers"......if you know EFT you can tap the whole sequence, but if not, just start there. Repeat the statement a few times as you tap. It'll calm you down to start, and then shifts will happen, ideas will pop into your head....maybe someone on the tv will say just the right thing....or a friend calls and gives you some help.  EFT works in mysterious ways and it doesn't always have to be an instant change. ....Pamela Leigh Powers. CCHT, EFT-adv, Regenesis IT, TFH